The way she looked at it was that she loved Ruth, who happened to be a woman. Something changed deep inside her when she met Ruth. She had never met anyone like her before. Ruth was smart, confident, and kind. Unlike any man she had known, Ruth was good to her. How could she not fall in love with her? It was the loving and caring relationship she always yearned to have with a man, but found with a woman. Now, the thoughts of her bedding and being with a man, as she had done early in her sexual development, disgusted her, as much of the thoughts of her being with another woman did, now that Ruth was gone. She and Ruth married long before Ruth had taken ill and Jenna took Ruth’s name. At the time, same sex marriages had just become legal in Massachusetts. Ruth, fifteen years older than Jenna, shared plans of adopting a baby girl. They had even agreed upon the name, Ashleigh. Yet, it was not to be, once Ruth became ill and never recovered. The cancer sucked the life out of her. When. He strolls up behind me and stands at my shoulder looking out to sea with me. He’s older than me, and has the lean rangy build of someone who spends all of his time outside, working in the landscape as it changes through the seasons. His shock of sandy hair and intense grey-blue eyes sit well in a face tanned from being out in all weathers. He rests warm hands on my shoulders and slides them down my arms. I turn and smile in welcome. We lean in for the customary polite kiss on the cheek, friends and just friends. We’re both very aware of the sexual tension between us but have worked hard at not getting physically involved – I’m married, and he clearly went through a lot to extricate himself from a relationship which didn’t give him the space to pursue his career. That space has been hard-won and I realise it’s not something he’s going to give up lightly. I feel his lips brush my cheek, and I know I should move back a step to keep some distance. We’re usually pretty good at that,.
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