They didn't like them, either, but they were resigned to it happening. They pointed out that I would go crazy if I didn't back off from my funk and hatred of the enemy for what they did. I promised to buck up, but I knew that I was going to shit carpet tacks every time we had big losses, or even little losses, for that matter. I remembered how the loss of Jud way back when had affected me. Dammit, I had to get myself in hand or resign from the triumvirate, and I sure as hell didn't want to do that!It was almost crazy the way the defectors became such fanatical supporters of New Ochnee. Most of them had switched to our side because they really weren't anxious to kill anybody. After a couple of weeks with us and they had found out the differences in the way our people lived as compared to the way the citizens on the other side lived, they became almost fanatical enemies of the bosses and the unions. This was especially true for those who had family or relatives who were caught up in. No matter how often she heard me praise her she'd smile and shakeher head in disbelief, then finally toss her long blonde hair backbehind her ears and like a child throw her arms around my neck andcover my face with kisses, in sheer gratitude that I loved andappreciated her no matter what. That certainly boosted my sense ofself-importance! I'd start kissing her back, and as often as notwe'd end up nibbling and gobbling each other, all thoughts ofdinner set aside. "You're the man of the house," she'd say. "Nowbe the man I need!" So I'd be that, as best as I could.Yes, I absolutely adored her! And I still do. Though not the sameway.In those days she'd seem shy whenever we began making love, andthat especially helped me feel bold. Her hands would reach towardmine tentatively as I unbuttoned her blouse and reached to unhookher bra, as if despite her desires and the fact that we weremarried she should be trying to stop me from violating her modesty.Early in our relationship she asked me to.
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