Her perch overlooking the park made her part of its story today. The camera was handy for focusing on the distant park visitors. She followed the children running from corner to corner on the baseball diamond. They ran between the objects of their desire, the bases, and jumped gleefully on their conquests when they arrived. A few even ran the bases the ‘wrong way,’ and she smiled. Walkers dotted the sidewalk below. Some were determined and energetic. Others were casual and meandering. Families bunched, kids dawdled, couples walked close together, touching. Teenagers flitted in and out on all things wheeled: scooters, roller blades, skateboards and even a reengineered grocery cart. The color and activity stretched before her, drawing her in. Her focus was on the park below, and she jumped at the crack of a branch behind her. She spun to see a man who was just as surprised to see her. They shared their started looks, laughed and mumbled ‘Oh, hi.’ She scanned her surprise guest: dark. I couldn't accept that. I liked her better free than simply another part of me.And so I let her go. Once and for all I let her go. I drove down a busy strip of our city on that Saturday night, all by myself, crying my eyes out once again, but finally resolved. Finally sure about what I was supposed to do, what I had to do.And then the dog turned around and chased his tail again—I changed my mind again. I loved her so deeply, so strongly, so completely, I couldn't bear the thought of not having her in her life. Her kisses, her touch, her giggles, her hugs, her voice in my ear, her hair on my chest, her eyes staring into mine with so much beauty I felt like I wasn't even alive. How could I let all that go? How could I simply give up? How could I ever love anyone else that much? How would I ever be happy again? She was everything to me, my whole universe, and to not have her with me, to let her go and watch her be happy with someone else, felt like death—worse than death: it felt like.
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