She rarely went out without any of us, never brought someone home and Beth knew that mom would be lonesome. Although mom was always straight, Beth didn't give up, as she knew that when our mom drank a bit she could get really tipsy and she was going to take her chances. And her biggest chance came by at our seventeenth birthday; when mom promised my Beth and I to have our first liquor drinks.So on our birthday Beth made me take a hike from the house as soon we returned home from school, she told me she will have mom today and wanted the air clear from distractions and she said mom will be uptight with me around. I told her that our sister Chrissie would be home, and that got me another surprise that Chrissie masturbated to my magazines as well and she had no problems with lesbianism.So I went to my friend's house to give them the space they needed, the rest of the story I later had Beth tell continued as follows:Beth began her preparations by drilling a hole in her rooms' wall that. I tried to use atissue so as not to make too much of a mess in the panties. Everymorning, I would wake up, hurriedly take them off under my covers, andreturn them to my hiding place. Once again, I never knew whether Motherknew they were gone, or if she found them in my hiding spot. She neversaid a word.In retrospect, I still do not know what to think, other than that sheprobably knew something. She could have simply been afraid to deal withit. She could have told herself that it was just a passing phase. Or,she could have thought that by not saying anything, she was in some waypermitting me to continue with my secret. All I know is that I never gotso much as a hint from her that I could share my secret with her.It is one of my great regrets that my mother passed away before I got thenerve to have the conversation with her. In my mind, I have played itover a thousand times. And yes, I still imagine her being lovinglyaccepting, telling me that yes, of course she knew all.
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