Now let it all out. All of it. All of your hidden feelings. I want you to express them all.’ A wash of unwanted emotions emerged, in the wake of the public revelation. Anger, bitterness, fear, misery, ennui, all of these tore their way up through her vocal chords. Twenty years, they’d been married. Twenty years, of quietly raising Jenny, of being the perfect mother, of being Michael’s perfect wife. Twenty years. When Amanda had been Tamsin’s age, she vowed to see the river Ganges at Benares by the time she was thirty. Then she’d met Michael, and started dating him. They’d got married, and Jenny had followed ayear later. Amanda’d spent her entire thirtieth year at home. She’d wanted to wander halfway around the world by the age of thirty, for twelve years, she’d not gone further than Benidorm, and the rest of the time, she’d not gone much further than the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom. Amanda struggled to hold the emotions back, but the emotions were too strong, too. Sitting beside her Pam laid her head on Lils shoulder and snuggled closer to her. You remember that Christmas, Pam asked. Putting her arm around her and hugging her Lil said, like it was 7 or 8 years ago. You, your dad and mom spent the Holliday here. I was hoping to catch Santa, Pam said chuckling. Kissing her forehead Lil said, you were a wicked little girl back then. Pam kissed her neck and said, tell me again.We all went to watch the tree lighting ceremony. You got into a snowball fight with a couple of boys and was sent to take a bath as soon as we came home. Later we watched the Christmas special on television. You all had been in bed for a couple of hours when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.I was going to hide in the kitchen, Pam said. Squeezing her Lil said it was a good thing your dad didn't catch you. I had to hold you when we heard noises in the living room. Kissing her neck again Pam said, that's when I felt your boobs on my back and shoulders. Smiling Lil said,.
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