You will be very upset, hurt, disappointed and probably not understandwhy and I am dreadfully sorry to have to put you through this.Since I was a small child I have known that I was different. It soundsa clich? to say, but I have always felt that I am a woman in a man'sbody.I have tried to push these thoughts into the background, but recentmonths they have overtaken me and it reached a stage where I could nolonger resist them. The condition cannot be cured as it is probablygenetic.Also when I was born, my mother desperately wanted me to be a girl. Shedidn't dress me in a feminine manner but often remarked on the factthat I should have been a girl. This may well have been the reason whyI was her favourite.Very little was known about the condition when I was young and wasnever spoken about.The situation was the same in the early sixties when we got married. Ithought it would just go away. It didn't. I was able to keep it secretfrom your mother and only told her that I wanted to dress. Honor her, my behind. Even now after all these years it was crystal clear, the still pretty with shiny long brown hair not surprisingly was still the queen bee. It was as if we were all once again back at the college AZD sorority chapter house. I believed there was good in all persons, so I was surprised out of my wits, there was not a, I’m sorry much less an apology from any one on the then young adults that took part in the heinous anal act. So, I was still quite peeved at Elizabeth Newman College queen bee and her followers.Since I saw or felt not a bit of attrition on ant of their part. I want lie I was not in the forgiving mood. There were still bottled up feelings of pain and hurt-filled memories brand boiled just below the surface. The fact was seeing those who cruelly raped me served as a reminder, and all the shit I went through to be who knew of the past abuse both mental and physical, would tell me to get over it, move on. After all we were about to be married! But, what.
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