Wait a minute, I thought. Rachel? I was calling her Rachel now. I was obviously more accepting of her fluid persona than I had thought I was. Did part of me always know deep inside, scared to face the facts, that she was leading a double life? Was it cheating on me if she was finally being true to herself? Is it possible that I was more in love with the idea of her than I may have been when she was actually alive. Questions to be pondered perhaps. Or perhaps not. Another penny finally dropped. 'When she was actually alive.' This wasn't a normal physical reality. I looked around me - a butterfly winked at me. Either this was a dream or else I had fallen down a rabbit hole. I heard a noise as of lapping, and, refocusing from my internal musings, saw the Contessa’s head roll back as she simultaneously raised herself on her tiptoes and thrust her beautiful soft mound harder into Rachels face. I knew from experience just how delicious the Contessa's freshly squeezed intimate juices were,. When I’m near him I feel…I don’t know, complete, and it’s really starting to disturb me. He’s a guy! I shouldn’t feel this way about him, but after a week of these feelings, I think… I’m starting to accept it! I’m attracted to Joshua! My real problem started Monday night. I couldn’t believe I was talking to Josh about my true feelings. I really wanted to tell him everything, right there. I think the bonding with him, playing basketball, was really brining me even closer to Josh. Then, my sister came up and messed the whole thing up. Then to make matters worse Carrie comes home to tell me that Josh and she are now a couple! Well I didn’t sleep much that night. A big part of me was very jealous of Carrie. I still don’t understand the feelings I have for Josh. I made a decision the next morning that I would make a conscious effort to forget about my feelings for Josh. I couldn’t let anything come between me and my sister, and I didn’t want to resent Josh either. So with my.
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