I have so many questions that will have to remain unanswered. This loss, the slow grind of acceptance, is terrible. You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me is happy you no longer suffer. I couldn’t stand to hear you talk about the pain. It made me feel helpless, the simple words I had to offer seeming insignificant and paltry. The ache is eased simply knowing your pain is forever gone. I smile thinking of you reunited with your daughter. The daughter we all wanted, who left too soon. I can see you both, beautiful and happy,. Shock, relief, that faint memory of his hand down my panties.Winter’s instincts had been right. Blowtorch wasn’t some tech-obsessed genius. He had followed me online, stalked me, and eventually attacked me in Kansas City. And then merely happened to spot me on the streets of Columbia a year later. Even If I had eaten in Chez Suzette, I wouldn’t have recognized a man whose face I hadn’t seen for well over twenty years.Winter updated me over the next few weeks. A public defender had been assigned; he kept Morales from admitting to his assaults on me. But the police in Kansas City were backtracking his movements. HAVEN had failed and apparently there was still some residual resentment in the ranks.Winter told me, “It’s piecemeal. Some of it’s gossip, some of it’s probably true. The short version is that after they turned you over to Sister Mary, the community ostracized Morales. He never attended church again. He moved to Kansas City, Kansas and had a series of menial jobs. Landscaping,.
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