" she said, then brightened considerably when she heard who it was. "So how are you doing, anyway? ... Yeah, thank God it's mostly a first-trimester thing, I think I puked more with Kayla than I have the rest of my life combined ... I tell you what, I wouldn't want to have another one now. I've got JJ in double digits and Kayla will be a teenager in a few days, so the end of the tunnel is in sight and I'll still be fairly young ... oh, yeah, he's here, I imagine he'll want to talk to you."She put the phone on her shoulder and said, "Dave, it's Shae for you."That was a little strange, as Shae rarely called him at the Courier, not that he was there much, only on Mondays and Tuesdays. He picked up the phone next to the computer and said, "Hey, babe, what's happening?" They finally announced something about Avalon. It's good news, but not real good news, if you know what I mean." Not really," he said. "Tell me." In the short run, we're going to go on hiatus around the end of next month.. Sometimes, the only way I canface the day is to pretend my clothes are girl clothes and that nobodynotices or minds. That's one of my big fantasies at night, to imagineI'll wake up as a girl and just have a normal day as one. I just dowhatever I would normally be doing, except I'm female. Then the guilthits, and I try and beat back the fantasy. I'm so tired of thisstruggle.******I know I don't write a lot about school, its cause I really don't have alot to say. It just IS, you know? I'm mostly ignored here, and that'sjust fine with me. Much less chance of somebody figuring out I'm notlike other boys.****My brother got a package from home today. It was a cassette tape from afriend of his. He let me listen, his friend seems pretty cool. John madea tape to send back, and I had to say "hi" on it, I don't know why. Iadmire my brother a lot, he's turning into a good man. But that also istaking him further away from me, since I am not a good man. Most days, Idon't feel like a man at.
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