I have gone from watchful mother to wannabe ... lover. What is to become of me?I can see that C looks longingly at Mame, at Renate, and ... yes ... at me, his eyes devouring our nude bodies. It has been possible to have all this openness because of the spas which demand nudity. But, beyond the desire in his eyes, I can see him look at each of us with respect and tenderness. That can't be bad.Renate and Mame have been very nice to C on this trip. I haven't minded sharing him with them as I might have feared. After all, in future years I will have to share him with many people, wife, grandchildren, the world, really.All things considered, I am delighted with C's steady march toward manhood. He remains charming, intelligent, and sensible, my C.Ellen, Cannes, France, Thursday, March 8, 1973Present:I remember well the surprising events of that day. I don't know if Mom contrived to be busy that morning, or it was truly an accident. Her voice comes back to me as if it were yesterday:"I. "I'll be fine honey. I am just feeling down because of the day," she saidin a sad and sullen voice."Is there anything I could do cheer you up Mom?"Mother shook her head no. "No dear, there is nothing you can do. Betweentoday being the anniversary of your father leaving us and the mistake Imade I don't think anything can cheer me up." What mistake Mom?" I asked."I bought this beautiful dress to wear and I just now realized it is thewrong size. I wanted to look beautiful and feel special on this daythat's why I bought the dress. I don't even have the receipt to return itand now it will just go to waste."Mother stood up, took me by my hand and led me to the bed. The dress shehad bought was lying on the bed and she picked it up to show me. When sheheld it up, she smiled as she had a brilliant idea and placed the dressup to me."You know honey; I think this dress would fit you perfectly. It maybe toosmall for me but it is the perfect size for you." But Mom, it's a dress...I'm a boy, boys.
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