I wear a mask of contentment that grows weaker; my smile however happy it may appear is a charade- a fake twitch of the muscles for my audience. I feel angry, I feel unworthy, I feel caged and I feel empty. These emotions make me want to break free — to leave this life in search of another for nothing I or anyone else does makes me feel truly happy and conflict free. To fill the gap I harbour in my soul seems pointless — neither family member nor any person on this earth can change the way I am. Death seems to be my only solution- my only escape and yet fate has not allowed me to leave this place and, I haven't the courage to do so myself. Invisibility would be a gift and yet the only thing I wish for lies within the bounds of impossibility.I want to disappear from the life I live and find another, I want to leave all those I know forever. I know myself better than any other and I know that I lack the capacity for truly endearing emotions. I love pain and danger yet I feel incapable. I still had to replace my phone, I thought, going off on a tangent for a moment.There was a knock at my door and I glanced up at the time display on the television. I had been in here for more than two hours!“It’s open.” I called, turning the power chair to face the door.The twins opened the door and skipped inside, both looking a little unsure of themselves.“They all left, Uncle Dave. We hope you didn’t mind. We didn’t want to chase you off or make you uncomfortable.”“No problem at all, ladies. I was trying to catch up on email at work. Truthfully, I have been sitting here thinking about all the things I missed, wondering what is going to happen to me now. Hard to work the computer and phones with only one hand, but not impossible, I guess.” I admitted, waving my stump for a second.“With only one hand you are still more man that anyone I know.” Amy said, blushing and looking down.“What she said!” Mina piped up, grinning and licking her lips.I shook my head and smiled at the two.
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