They were both Catholics and I thought maybe Vickie was different with him because of that. The movement of my toys and their apparent make-up had me very curious.Charlie and I started ending our study sessions with personal discussions, reminding me of the times in our room with Vickie, only without the pot. On one of those, I opened up about feeling like the last virgin on the planet. He seemed sympathetic, but then he said something that made my heart pound."I think it's harder on a guy. I feel so much pressure."Charlie was a virgin? And he just admitted it?"But I thought you and Vickie..." No. That never happened. I would have once, but not now."Vickie is right about Charlie's face being easy to read. I could tell that he was sincere and, although he didn't know it, he'd suddenly given me two goals. One was to find out what he'd done sexually with Vickie and the other was to lose my cherry as he was losing his. I wasn't going to be fussy about what order the fulfillment of those. " No." Why not?" What am I going to say to him?" Pick a day he's traveling." He'll call home." Tell him you are staying at a friend's." Let's talk about something else." Are you happy?" I asked her once."That's a fucking awful question to ask someone." I know." I drown myself in books. I read for six, eight hours in a row, then stop for a few minutes and start to read again. I read so much that is makes me physically nauseated. Really. I feel sick. I have to stop. But it's no use, I come back. I try to drown in all that information, all those ideas; I read three, four, five books at the same time, alternating to each other as I get tired of them. I start to read faster. If I have some 'disposable' thing to read, a magazine or a newspaper, I read it from the first to the last page. My eyes run over the pages. I like reading papers, because I barely need to move my eyes from side to side. I just let them slide down the page, enjoying the short columns." Don't you write?" I.
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