I have sent to the Emperor for new orders. I have also implored his Highness to finally send us the pay our men deserve. In the meantime, let us try to restore order in the ranks."That was it. Joerg was deeply disappointed. The Emperor would hardly do more for them, now that Frundsberg was disabled. Bourbon was clearly playing for time, but Joerg could not see how this would avail them. He suspected that the Emperor kept them in Italy to put pressure on Venice and the Pope, without actually engaging either power in a war. At one point, they would haggle over a new treaty, and the landsknechte would be the losers. He shared those thoughts with some fellow captains and found that most agreed with his views.Food became even scarcer over the next weeks. Thanks to Thorben, who maintained good connections to the merchants of Casale, they received a few wagonloads of food, but they were all hungry and dispirited.In mid-March, things came to a head. The Duke of Bourbon called for another. For a long time, I’d kept the printouts of the pictures I’d taken that night but I’d shredded them when I left for Afghanistan. I remembered the sense of relief and satisfaction I’d felt when they’d become just scraps in the bottom of a plastic canister beneath the shredder. But when I reached for the anger I’d felt back when I first found out about Sherrie’s infidelity, when I tried to touch the deep pain and sense of loss, I could find only the remembrance of them, not the rage and hurt themselves. I was astonished at myself. I wondered why I no longer felt the pain but I couldn’t hit upon an explanation that satisfied me. I knew the old maxim that time heals all wounds, but I wasn’t satisfied with that reasoning. There had to be something else, but what, I didn’t know. ******** I’d been at the restaurant for twenty minutes when Sherrie arrived. I’d tried to delay. I‘d wanted to keep her waiting, not the other way around. I wanted to have that little bit of an edge to set the tone.
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