“Then let us introduce ourselves.” I held out my hand, “I am Irene. And you are?” “Raj.” “Nice to meet you, Raj.” “A pleasure to meet you, Mrs Irene.” “Just Irene.” I corrected. “Come sit with me.” I patted the sand next to my towel and he crawled over to sit down. This was exciting; another young, inexperienced man, and I had him all to myself. “Raj,” I said, “Can I ask you a question?” “Of course.” “Are you a virgin?” He nodded, his eyes cast downwards. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of.” “I know, I know Mrs… I mean Irene. But… But I still wish I wasn’t.” I smiled and he glanced at me, holding my gaze for just a second before his eyes returned to my boobs. He was mesmerised. “Can I ask another question?” He nodded. “Has a woman ever seen your penis?” He shook his head. “What if I asked if I could see it?” He started. A real jolt--almost like I’d slapped him. “I… I… I don’t know. Here? Now?” “Sure. Why not? People don’t wear clothes on this beach. And there’s no one here but me. I just want her to ... Fuck, I feel helpless.”Sylvia sighed.“It’s just how she is, Amanda. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”I took a few slow breaths, trying to come to terms with all the emotions going on inside me: shame, fear, regret; but also excitement, lust, and something I couldn’t put a name to. That elusive feeling was the warmth of belonging to someone, of knowing she was in charge, would take care of me, and was ultimately responsible. It was constraining, but also peaceful and safe. Being someone’s meant I at least had some use. What I feared the most was ending up becoming smaller, the way my cousins had made me. They’d torn me down, stopping me from learning, improving, and growing by choosing to act and gaining new experiences. I thought Fiona wouldn’t do that to me, but I could no longer tell. I felt utterly crushed right then.“I’m scared”, I said. It was hard to admit, but it was the truth. “I feel out of control.”“You’re not in control”, she said..
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