Much. I am no nurse though the shower, as such, is my hospital. Perhaps I should let them be. Scars heal over when left alone. Sometimes vanish like old friends or the garbage left by the curb on Tuesday night. I caress my scars. Dream about him next to me. Feel him in the night tending them. Believe that he’s there. Then there’s light and the shower is still running. I leave it on even though the water bill is too high to pay. I like the sound of the water rushing over me. Let the water pour. Clean and hot and desensitizing, destroying prints and calluses, burning away bacteria, boiling needles to the surface of my skin. Mindless, hopeless activity. I sit in the shower without forgiven and need and lust and longing. The scars will never vanish. Never fade completely. But remind me of the torture of trust, the fool who gives over. The emptiness that follows desire. All of it written in stitches across the scars and curves of fingerprints from homemade thread and sewn with the needles. That meant that if your spouse knew and approved, it wasn’t a sin.When she went to the first special service to welcome new members of the congregation, she saw they were touched and loved in very special ways. It was the loving she had been seeking. My libido thought it would like to help her out if that is what she needed.I asked if Wendell might tell us more after dinner. That sounded a lot more interesting than a movie. She glowed at the suggestion and gave me a tit-full hug. What was left of my conscience whispered, “Down, boy!” but I could smell her pussy.Wendell was pleased to talk about his current project so after dinner we cleared off the table and he began to explain. “I have had many sexual experiences in my life but finally realized a couple of years ago that, while they were physically pleasurable they were usually ‘done and gone’, kind of like a meal at a fast-food restaurant. A very basic need was satisfied but it had not reached the potential of the experience, like.
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