They are chaotic and more often than not appear like broken buildings inthe fog, which generally have different purposes. I am a girl, no matter what the mirror may say, and no matter whom Ichoose to tell. I am a girl of my own. I share no option with another; Ishare only with myself to whom I give eternal and emotional thought. I donot care for the feelings of others because those feelings are those ofthe persecutor, the hetero male who says I MUST attend at the nightclubs,that I MUST shag every girl in sight, else I am a "pussie", I am lowerthan an animal, I am one speck above nothing.Fuck you, that man. You are the reason I stay at home. You are the reasonI live alone. You are the reason that my deathbed will be solitary. Do you wish ill for me, or wish me fortune. Most people are generallydecent and to those few I smile. But all the same, what use am I, what ismy pretending?Life is cruel and rarely kind, we all know this, and life has taken fromme every shred of myself, reducing. The crunch came when he sort of "set up" an evening with a swinging couple I didn't realize were from near our own locality. We met at a drunken party in Poole and gone on back home with them. It ended up we did swap but all fucked in separate rooms. Afterwards, later in the evening on our own the wife asked me something which left me stunned and totally embarrassed.I was helping her bring snacks through from the kitchen for the men when she suddenly whispered in confidence."God, have you honestly been fucked by a dog? wow, I've seen it on videos but God, but what does it feel like?Stunned, I pretended to be a little drunk and she went and got Paddy and I said I felt sick and wanted to go home. - I did!Later, in the car on the way home I furiously turned on him about it. He admitted he had told her stuff about me but in supposed confidence, to "reassure" her he said. I'd been quiet at first and Paddy said she'd only been worried that I wouldn't go along with things and let her husband.
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