I was a normal late teenager girl until, with a group of my girlfriends one night, we watched 'The Story of O' you know the one with that Bond girl playing the lead. I couldn't believe how wet it made me just watching it. The other girls all laughed and, of course, I joined in but I couldn't take my eyes off the tv screen. A few days later I found my own copy in the local video shop and I went bright red when the sales guy scanned it in; I could now watch it all on my own.I've had a few boyfriends and I'm not a virgin but it all seemed so sordid somehow, back seats of their cars or in some dark alley. No, what I wanted was a guy like 'Sir Stephen' to take control of my life and my body. At first, I didn't like the idea of being beaten or whipped but I understand why for it makes you obedient. My orgasms generated while watching the orgy scenes would be mind blowing. I would be naked and my fingers working between my legs as I imagined being used solely as a sex object.I suppose I was. "It doesn't matter. I really don't want to talk about it anymore. I really don't. I'm just feeling...blah...and I'm complaining. I actually feel better just rambling about it. I think I'll go for a hot bath. I'll talk to you later. I love you." "I love you, too. Feel better." "Thanks." I had to end that conversation. I hated my own 'woe is me' liturgy before I began it. I couldn't bear that I was suddenly in the uber-cute situation of my mother not understanding my description of feeling misunderstood. It's ironic, in a Care Bear, Rainbow Bright sort of way. It's also pathetic, in a pre-teen who wears an ankh and black lipstick sort of way. Nothing about that conversation needed to continue. I exercised, alternating speed rope and weights, showered, spent an hour looking at online pornography then I masturbated on the toilet with my electric toothbrush. There was a message on my machine from Dauphine. It made me happy, why I had missed her.
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