My gamble had paid off, as it hadn’t rained since I made the bricks. I did lose more than a few to having too much sand, and some to having too much water, but less than I’d expected to lose. The rest of the bricks were looking good.I got a late start into Las Cruces that Saturday arriving just after four. I made it a point to stop at Mrs. Amador’s store, so she could help me pick out dress pants, vest, jacket, and a string tie. She let me know that she’d selected a nice wooden brush and comb set for my gift to Anna and had already wrapped them. I thanked her for her help and thoughtfulness, paid her, and left. I made a quick stop for a haircut before getting a room for two nights at the Drovers Inn.I slept in late Sunday morning but somehow managed to get to the small Catholic church fifteen minutes before the service started. Although it had been many years since I last attended service, and even more years since my confirmation, I received communion without hesitation. As I walked. There is just enough fuel in my mind to keep it going. But I don’t want to spend my life in misery over choices I have made. I suffered through many years, and I believe I’ve paid for my sins against you. Still, there you are, dominating my thoughts. Today, when my life has settled, when my nest is complete, and I have time to think, I spend most of my extra time thinking about you. There is a part of me that longs to break my promises in this life I have chosen. There are several parts of me that want to run away, to you. And yet, another part of me wonders if I am the biggest fool on earth for even thinking you care about me after all these years. I will never know if you only wish to watch me suffer like this, or if you also feel the burning desire to be together, again. It would serve me right if it is merely amusement for you. I loved you with every ounce of my being, from the very moment we became girlfriend and boyfriend as kids. Perhaps it’s biological. Perhaps women can.
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