I could look at her and I knew it instinctively; I wouldnever have the purity that she would have. She was a regular girl; Iwas just a slutty whore. I was worth less than the dirt on the soles ofher shoes, and I felt that no more so than when I was playing dolls withher. But another part of me took pride in being able to earn money formyself and my family doing what came naturally to me. I could neverexpress such feelings to her, or to Mom, but I felt them all he same,every moment I was at home. But I felt good about it; I felt goodknowing I served my family by not letting my Mom or my darling sisterdemean themselves by doing what I was dong. I existed to have sex; thatwas my purpose.*** *** ***Such became the pattern of my life over the next several weeks. By theend of October I'd earned almost four thousand dollars, betweenRosalyn's next party and Mandy and I going down to Portland everySaturday. Rosalyn helped me to get an identification card with mypicture and address. I mean, we've been married for years, and Inever once saw this side of her. Not once." His voice became a bitrough. "What really hurt the most was having her stand there right infront of me and tell you we're practically divorced. It's like shejust wants to hurt me. A lot." What a bitch!" Frank turned his head and gave Stan a disapprovinglook. Stan backed down, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, Frank, but it'strue. You're being shafted big time." Frank nodded. "I know, but she's still my wife. Maybe I still loveher, or maybe ... maybe standing up for her is just what I'm used to.Just ... go easy with the name-calling, okay?" Stan nodded. "Frank," Paul asked gently, "why are you putting up with this shit atall? I mean, if you think she rigged the contest, why keep doing it?" Well, it's partly my fault." Frank looked down at the floor. "Shechallenged me to a wrestling match. Hell, I knew she could beat me --after all, she works out all of the time and lifts weights. But Iknew she knew it.
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