You focus on the solution.“Your dad left you before you were born, your mom was drunk until you went to college, you had your mom’s drunkard boyfriends coming and staying in your trailer. Why aren’t you a drunken, crack-head whore?”“Those aren’t the problems these women have.”“No but dishes and report writing seems minor after that. It all comes down to prioritizing your duties and creating a life that you enjoy. I’m not saying to quit your job and put the kids up for adoption but if you don’t like your job you can look for another one or make the one you have better. If you don’t like yard work hire someone and then spend that time doing something to make your life more efficient or enjoyable.”“I like to sleep but like how my body feels after a good workout. I love the job or jobs that I do. I love my new family, playing cards and being with you. I loved to be the best at volleyball and made the commitment to excellence. I can talk about those things. Women tend to trap themselves. I look up at him embarrassed. He puts his arm out and I step into him without thinking. He hugs me and I hug him. The intimacy feels so good, so reassuring, so encouraging, and so welcoming. My heart is beating furiously with the excitement of potential. I find myself pulling into his bony body. The sensations surging through me are surprising. How quickly and urgently they have sprung up within me. Suppressed for so long, they were apparently only pushed down just below the surface, denied but not removed.I hear him softly suggest I give my thoughts time … time to consider what it would mean. I am shaking my head as I step back from him. I am also blushing profusely, though only the exposure of my face can possibly reflect it from under the formal habit and head coverings of this order.“Don’t you see?”, I confide. “That outpost of the Magdalenes would be my ideal situation for the full person I am. A way to serve in the order while releasing my desires that are ready to burst from.
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