The audience simply returned to studying their sales catalogues. "Funny idea, that," I overheard one of them saying to a colleague. "I mean quite amusing and all but it didn't seem to have much to do with why we are all here."Immediately after Julia came Caroline, the girl I had seen being abducted on video when I'd first visited the Prep Centre. "Lot number 05/209," called Brian to the audience. He seemed to sense their impatience and was now trying move things ahead. "I have several commission bids for this lot..." I looked at the catalogue. Sarah wasn't on the list. Brian had been adamant that she'd have to be fully prepped before he'd even thing of including her. I think Freddie thought he was being a bit ungrateful given that he'd just been trying to help him out. I wasn't bothered; it just gave me a bit more time to think of an excuse to hang on to her for Harry.All Spice had been through Orientation swiftly. The Kalinin had asked us to "leave the rough edges on, that way my. When I knew why... I was able to fix it!Eventually I went into a session in the middle of an urge to dress. I decided then and there, I wanted to know WHY! So when I was asked what topic I would like to cover, I said 'crossdressing and why I do it'.Probably one of the hardest things I ever did. The only response was 'Okay! Let's get started!'After many hours and lots of self-introspection and yes, peeling things away 'like an onion'; I came face to face with the 'WHY'. (Insert dramatic music here) (Hey! Lady! Don't go in there! Can't you hear the music?) When you get to that point in looking at your own life, you really want to get it over with. It is a long hard road and you become very weary travelling it. Yet, it is scary to think that what comes next, altered your life so-o-o dramatically!For me the big bad WHY was established at the age of six. It was also in the language and emotional context of a six-year-old, scared, very upset, little boy. My paternal father had abandoned.
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