There can only be one reason for your reaction, Sandra. Or should I call you Pamela..." NO!" I shouted. "Pamela is dead! She's been dead for 19 years now! Why do I deserve this? I worked so hard on forgetting! Why did you open all my wounds?" I kept sobbing and couldn't stop. I couldn't think rationally. I wanted to run away — but I didn't know where to run.John just hugged me, pulling my head to his shoulder and let me cry. I tried to pull away but he held me tight until I gave up and just kept crying into his shoulder."Now I understand." He murmured into my ear. "Indirect Abuse with its worst and longest lasting symptoms. I'm only surprised that our dean could not cure you."We sat like this for an hour. A few friends and colleagues came towards us but John waved them away. They were all professionals and they all had heard John's presentation, so most of them probably added one and one and got the expected two.When I calmed down a little John said:"I'm delaying my return to Houston. Yet it was apparent that it was the obedient, married, woman that was the happiest." She took a deep breath, as if building her courage before continuing. "Then one day, as he told me yet another tale, he pulled out his penis and I, of course, thought he must want to urinate. Instead, father gently grasped my tiny head and bent it to him and as he told me his tale, I sucked."A surprised gasp escaped me and I felt the urge to jump up and run - to escape this tale about my own grandfather abusing my teenage mother. I didn't though and held my gaze upon my parents, she looking at me as if judging my reactions. I sat still though my heart pounded in my chest. Why was mother telling me these things? Why had I not learnt of my grandfathers abuse of her prior to now?"Though a farmer, with calloused thick hands, he was very gentle with me... patient. Each lunch as he spoke to me, I would suck him. It always took a long time and when he finished, he would kiss my cheek and tell me that I was.
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