She passed in July, breast cancer. One of the fewof us together I really liked." I'm so sorry Nate." I paused. "I didn't mean to pry." It's Ok, you'll see her photo a few places around the house in Napa.So who else do you want to know about?"I rattled off the names of everyone I could think of having met theselast couple weeks. I felt stupid for doing so, but knowledge is power,right? Maybe something I could learn from know I've been associating?with? Nate said he'd get back to me and the FaceTime session endedpretty quickly after that, abruptly actually.I couldn't help but think I had screwed the FaceTime call up with howquickly it ended. Was it asking about the picture of Nate and his mom?Should I have asked about him more, interested in how he was doing? Wasit the number of men's names I rattled off so casually? Augh! I'm sostupid, I should have just gone after a few names, not everyone I'd runinto. Crap!December 3rd, 7:25 AMI woke to the sound of silence, a peaceful awakening. Better keep this conversation going, don't wanthim to think I'm an idiot. "What brings you over here?" I smile.Why do even my lips feel weird? I'm smiling, and I know it's sincere, butit feels like it's fake and I'm using someone else's mouth. Like theyshouldn't be so full and sensitive, like I feel every muscle twitch. God,I hope he can't tell I'm a basket case right now, I swear I'm notnormally like this. Oh, he's responding! "You look like a girl who's inthe mood for a good time." That smile again. That smile can only mean onething, and I want it. I feel myself grow wet.But why does it feel so... wrong? I can't shake the feeling that I shouldbe hard, as messed up as that sounds. That's his job, and a quick peekdown confirms he's doing it well. I look back into his eyes and his grinis even wider, he takes my hand.And wow, is it rough. Or maybe it's that mine feels so smooth. Damn it,Bridgitte, pull yourself together. Don't fuck this up, you're justfeeling spacey from hours of.
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