All the people I'd ever been were all dead...I was dead...Really Truly Dead...R.T.D...For a long time I knew I was dead, and then I realized that this thing that I was - wasn't death!I knew I wasn't alive, but I also knew I wasn't dead...All this dying was killing me!How can one be dead, but not dead? That was a tough question to work through, especially in my dead state, which seemed quite dead, even though I was not quite totally dead. The conundrum returned. Each time I died, I wasn't dead. My deadness was quite live, but my alive-ness wasn't all that alive.So there I was, with all this dead-i-tivity, surrounded by a lot of nothing, in nowhere, contemplating all the dead people I went through in my lives. Just cataloging how dead I used to be was exhausting. If I had a head it would have hurt from the strain of all the deadness I'd experienced.Of course, I would have welcomed the headache, because it would have given me something to touch, to feel, and to prove I existed. When. It took both Eve and him to convince them to at least hold off until early morning, so they wouldn't pull in way late. "I'm not going to bet on how early," he said as soon as he hung up the phone after letting the boys talk with Grandma for a minute. "But if I had to put money on it, I'd bet well before dawn." If they aren't already so anxious that they start out anyway and get a motel somewhere," Eve nodded. "Boys," she went on, "When your daddy and Aunt Shae went out, they got you some crayons and coloring books. Would you like to have a couple now?"Smiles broke across both their faces; it didn't take a lot of answering. Dave knew Shae had bought more than coloring books. There was a big bag of toys, but she told him they'd dole them out slowly, as needed. "We want to keep them busy and not let them have much time to brood," she'd told him while shopping. "That goes for you, too."In a few minutes, they were sitting in the kitchen, while the boys were busy with the crayons and.
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