But being stuck between genders makes even the idea of dating hard. Gayguys want guys, gay girls want girls, straight guys want girls, andstraight women want guys. Doesnt leave a lot of room for someone who's abit of both.So I just watch, and listen as they talk about their spouses orsignificant others, and dream of someone wanting to be with me, eventhough I know darn well how unlikely that is.Once my day at work ends, I trudge home, put up my sore feet, and restfor a while before thinking about eating.I should be trying to lose weight so I can have the surgery, but most ofthe time, I end up eating fast and bad for me, just to fill the emptyspace inside. I've done that a lot, leaving me with a pretty big gut,especially for a girl.Once I eat, I head for bed, and I try and lose myself in dreams where I'ma full girl, and loved.Because dreams are all I have.I feel like I live in a world of beautiful people, and I'm the one on theoutside, looking in.I guess someone has to be ugly just to. He was clearly checking Jole out earlier. I felt his foot shift against mine and looked down again. It was just a foot. Stop thinking about it."Hmm," Luke finally mumbled. "I guess so."He turned his attention to me, and I found myself going uncharacteristically tense as Luke suddenly reached down and picked an olive that had dropped on my thigh off my leg and tossed it aside before going back to his own food as if it didn't mean anything. Because it didn't mean anything. So why the hell was I thinking about it? I made a mess. He cleaned it up. Friends. There was nothing unusual about him looking out for me. I found myself looking past him, towards the other end of the bench. Empty. Across the table from us--empty. Yet, he chose to sit next to me. Close to me. And thinking about it, which I really shouldn't have been doing, anyway, I realized that there was nothing unusual about that, either. He did it at home on the sofa, unless he was sitting on the other end of it with his feet.
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