Then my mind went to “This is really happening to me. I’m going away.” So I threw myself a pity party then I remember she had given me GRAPES! When I got home I could eat them. A small burst of joy went through me followed by FUCK! I’m living a Ralphie May comedy routine.Ralphie May had a routine where he talked about how happy retarded people were because they are pleased by simple things. While non-retarded people were unhappy because nothing ever pleased them.He asked, “Do you know how to make a retarded person happy? A Scooby-Doo lunch box and if they find a thermos of chocolate milk in it the motherfucker hit the lottery. While we couldn’t be happy because our Lexus wasn’t quite as new as our neighbor’s.I went from unhappy about a real world problem that affects every aspect of my life to instantly happy because I had grapes. I then realized what had just happened and felt chagrined.In other news, they set my Social Security trial for January. It would be really nice for them to. Also we offer a money back guarantee if the services aren't acceptable. Fair enough?"She offered her hand."Deal, but I warn you, I expect to be satisfied, or I want my money back."She finally broke down laughing, we went for coffee and discussed further terms and conditions.Myra insisted I get a new suit, and not trusting me, made me take her with me to the mall. Her husband went to, saying entertainment like this was impossible to pass up."Just want to be able to see her make a man miserable that isn't me."Four hours, I mean come on, I would have taken the first one, but it just wouldn't do. Eight suits later she declared it 'the one'. I breathed a sign of relief but her husband just laughed."You don't think you're done, do you?"Hell no we weren't done. The perfect shirt and tie, even the socks had to stand inspection. It took another forty minutes to pick out the shoes."You're not going to pick out my underwear, are you?"Myra didn't blink."Navy blue boxers, silk. You want to feel.
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