" You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap."And the pirate replied,"It was my first day with the hook."This one is compliments of LarryEver wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.What makes life 100%?If A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Zis represented as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26Then:K N O W L E D G E11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%H A R D W O R K8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%But,A T T I T U D E1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%And,B U L L S H I T2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%So, it stands to reason that knowledge and hard work will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.This one is compliments of IgorSix Affairs:The First Affair:A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their. Throughout November he continued to deliver a couple hundred tickets per day for the parking department. His supervisor noticed his hard work and had him train two new student ticket-writers. He told Mike that once basketball season started, he would be placed in charge of other students collecting parking money for two lots during games. He also decided to make Officer # 036 an alternate for collecting money from the meters. He would train for the meter collection job in December and start with that new assignment in January.The month anniversary of their getting together came and went. Neither Mike nor Ruthie was the sort to romanticize dates on a calendar, but as it became obvious that they were going to stay together, both were faced with having to decide what to tell their families. Mike figured that he would break the news to his family during December and bring Ruthie over to his house sometime over Christmas break. He suspected Ruthie would be very nervous about meeting his.
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