" said the concierge, putting away his slowly softening cock."Thanks for reminding me, you pervert!" retorted Barbara, as she rushed passed him back to the room. Still blushing, she dried herself and sat down on the bed naked, waiting for the scouts to return. Her mobile phone started to buzz which meant she'd got a message. Her mobile had 3 picture messages waiting for her. "Might as well check out the messages." she thought as she scrolled to the first picture message."Hi, my name is John, I have a large piece of meat, but it may be too big for you. See picture attached"Barbara clicked on the picture. The first picture was of a large piece of salami hanging in one of the shop windows in the village. "Very funny." Barbara thought, as she deleted the first message. The second message was another hoax. She moved on to the third message."Bonjour, I'm Jacque. I'm from Algeria and I think I may be able to help you."Shaking her head, she went to the pictures. The first was of a smiling. Erotica can’t be dirty, it’s too busy being snooty. Half the time it’s not about sex at all, and it’s about as titillating as teatime with Martha Stewart. Have you ever looked at one of those collections of Erotica in the local Barnes & Noble? No, not the collected letters to Penthouse magazine, that’s porn. I’m talking about the ones with diaphanously covered nude women on the covers, which have noteworthy editors proud to be associated with such fine volumes, and are full of supposedly artistic, serious, award-winning authors you’ve never heard of. The stories in those things deal with people’s feelings about flowers or sunshine while they enjoy melancholy memories of long ago. Rainy afternoons, moonbeams through wisteria, and moss on nineteenth-century marble statuary are very nice, but that stuff is strictly G-rated. I’ve flipped through fifteen pages of those books at a time, searching in vain for something that’s remotely possible to use when I whack off. The porn I write is.
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