Going back to the house proved a difficult experience; although I didn't suffer actual panic attacks in my bedroom if Brandon was not around, it was no longer a place I felt really safe. Although I was no longer actually scared to sleep by myself, I still made a habit of invading my son's room and joining him in bed. I cursed myself for having bought him a Queen-sized bed; if he only had a single, like the ones at the hotel, I would have been able to cosy up to him much better. Still, I was at least able to press myself against him when he grew hard. God, I wanted him in me.Following the advice of the Police Constable who took my final deposition, I went to see a counsellor. She was surprisingly perceptive, and noted my fidgeting and general anxiety; I was, however at least able to obfuscate the actual reason for my jumpiness; she put it down to lingering fear after what we came to call "the attack." I, of course, knew better; I spent every waking moment fantasising about my son. I. Alok lay on a bed there, a bit bruised and cut itseemed, but overall nothing major and certainly very much alive! Theonly thing was a big white bandage covering on his groin.I looked at Sandy, confused. "He didn't die," Sandy explained, "Hemanaged to run away from the main part of the landslide but fell intoa small crevice where he remained quite safe, until one rock fell on aportion of his body..." It was needless to say which."I found him there before the government appointed rescue team wasformed and reached there, and was going to immediately call for helpon the spot, but he begged me not to and asked me to take himelsewhere. The doctors there did some basic bandaging but we had toget him here to be properly operated upon. But otherwise, nobody knowsmuch about this." "His relatives?" I asked. "No please!" Alok who hadbeen quiet uptil now murmured, "I can't bear the shame of ever tellingthem that... that..." he sobbed. I looked at Sandy. "The doctor saidthere's no hope. The.
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