I brought tension to my calves and released. Rotated my feet, and stretched each individual toe.I sat quietly as Tara finished eating. Almost I was ready, I needed more though.I had read it in a novel, a description of the attitude a monk exuded, 'serenity of purpose.' I reached for it, bending my body and will to one objective. My instructors had said we would find different ways to deal with the wait before the target gave us the shot. A lot of the other guys talked about different things. I had no need for tricks; I had plenty of experience waiting for my time to come.I waited relaxed and ready.I saw her at the edge of my awareness. She was burning energy in the anxious expectation of conquest.I waited.She talked about a hundred different things, somewhere deep inside where I never looked, laughter echoed.I listened to her, and waited.Finally, she signaled the waiter for the check. When he came over, she paid. She smiled at me, another wasted show of domination. I followed her out. And I think it does matter that those animals were around when they were ... just like it matters that we're around now."Ruthie did not respond. Mike added:"I take it things did not go well for you on your trip." They went OK. My dad did break up with Debra, but now they've got a kid and he's taking care of him. But my dad ... he's the same in a lot of ways ... drinking with his friends, running around on his Harley, got a new girlfriend ... it's like he doesn't give a shit about anything ... and I was by myself most of the time I was in Lincoln ... just kinda wandered around ... it was fucking cold the whole time I was there ... and I kinda realized that Lincoln was ... I don't know if this'll make any sense to you ... it was the way I remembered it, but totally different from the way I imagined it." So ... you think you kinda idealized Lincoln? Imagined it to be better than it really is?" Kinda ... not exactly ... I don't know how to say it so you'll see where I'm coming from ....
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