?You still don?t know how to see yourself do you??I sigh. ?No I don?t, I mean I know what I want to be, but I knowlogically I?ll never be. I am female in every aspect other than mychromosomes. Knowing it and accepting it though, I don?t know how to. IfI accept it I feel like, I?ll be letting everyone down. Even more than Ialready have.? My vision starts to blur yet again from tears forming.?STOP IT!? she almost yells. Then more softly, ?I promise you haven?t letanyone down, other than not letting them in. Not letting me in, that hurtRobbie. I understand why, but we?re making up for that now okay. None ofthis is your fault, you know. You didn?t choose this, it just happened.Once you start accepting that I think you will be able to move forward alot easier.?Does it really matter if I accept it or not, I mean who could accept meif I all of a sudden became a girl?? I saw her start to get really mad,and I quickly realized my blunder. I blurt out before she can respond,?SORRY I wasn?t. The wine went well with the hens and her choice of Mozart's' Die Zaberflotte for background music. When she got up to replace Mozart with Billie Holiday and some Django Reinhart she asked me what I thought of the meal.I put on my best Missouri farm hand. "Well, miz Bethany, these here are the tastiest chickens I ever et but they do seem to be a mite on the puny side." When she reached over to administer a playful dope slap on the back of my head, I cried "I allies knowed you wuz the type to go round beatin' on poor colored folk." When she laughed, I opined "Les aliments répondent au rêve de notre âme quant à l'appétit de notre estomac."Food responds to our soul's dream as to our stomach's appetite." She replied."And your cooking matches your beauty." I told her that I detected truffle in the hens and she told me that she had liberated the truffles on her way out of the French restaurant in Zurich.With coffee came the four layer Kirschtorte and she had used a very fine Belgian.
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