“Are you queuing ladies?” he asked, and immediately knew it was a silly question. Both girls giggled. “No,” the first girl replied. “Do you mind if I pass by then?” The first girl stood up and walked over to him. She stood before him with her legs planted wide apart and her hands on her hips. She was so close that Jack felt overwhelmed. He stared into her eyes which were deep blue and liquid. He could not look away. “Anything to declare?” she asked. Jack was puzzled. “I’m not sure what you mean,” he replied slowly. “You want to pass through Customs,” the girl explained, “and so I’m asking you if you have anything to declare!” She grinned at Jack. She was enjoying making him squirm. “Um....no....no I don’t have anything to declare,” he replied, taking the line of least resistance, “but I would really to get through to the toilet if you don’t mind!” The second girl pushed herself from the wall and walked past Jack pressing her body against him as she passed and she took her. Trenton is the state capital, which means it’s full of the worst people New Jersey has to offer. We aren’t talking about mobsters like on The Sopranos or mindless beach bums like on Jersey Shore. We’re talking much worse. We’re talking about lawyers and politicians. This means Trenton is the worst city in the worst state in the country. It’s even worse than Cleveland, which historians know as the place where the river kept catching on fire, just like in Hell, and music lovers know as the home of the Polka Hall of Fame, which just sounds like Hell. That’s right. Trenton is even worse than Hell.So these German soldiers found themselves in the worst city in America on December 25, 1776. They did just what you would expect any human being stuck in Trenton on Christmas Day to do. They got sloshed out of their minds.George Washington, upon learning that the soldiers were in Trenton, realized that this was the perfect time to attack them, because the Hessians would be far too drunk to do.
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