People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.08. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.09 ... You can live without sex but not your glasses.10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.13. You sing along with elevator music.14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.A Seniors DilemmaI went to the liquor store Tuesday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought. Although like many TGwannabes, my visions of girlhood involved scenes like this, I could tell alot of these girls would have been happier elsewhere, just being children.It was especially bad for those who had rabidly competitive stage parents,and I soon learned that my mommy was one of the first.I came home with the biggest trophy from that first pageant, and mommycouldn't have been happier. She brought me several hundred dollars worth ofBarbie gear and took me out to dinner at Chuck E Cheese, which I was reallygrowing to love.But it was a different story at the next pageant (and there are a lot ofthem, believe me). Why? I finished second.As we settled into the car for the long drive home, I said, "Oh well, mommy,I guess I can't win them all, can I? I did my best."She was strangely quiet and puffing rather intensely on her cigarette.Finally, she spoke. "I suppose not, dear. Just don't make losing a habit."The words had quite a chilling effect on me. For the first time since I hadbeen.
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