I shifted on the crate, slowly reached for a cigarette and took my time lighting it. I was mustering my thoughts and as I exhaled the first long drag, I had no more idea of what to say than when I started.I was touched, I admit, and I just started talking. None of it was thought out and it came from somewhere that to this day I can't discover."Gratitude, William," I asked. "What is gratitude but an illustration of a person's appreciation for another person's actions? I think in this case the actions were mutual and were therefore the appreciation as well. Anyone outside this mutual arrangement -- outside this sexual arrangement and this friendship -- will look at us and say we are perverted and amoral. Susan would be cast as the slut and whore while I would be the uncaring, deviant husband pushing her to submit to degrading and disgusting sexual acts. The eight of you would be opportunistic men taking advantage of our depravity. And some would say we are going to hell -- at least. He had plans for the car and he didn't like my being gone over night. Mom took the news that I was driving a stranger one hundred and sixty miles with a shrug like she always does when I do something insane. Anyway, Veronica had come in the house with me and mom was quite taken with her."Take that load of leaves out and dump them; be sure the birds get their ration of food," I said to Chuck as I headed to my room to shower and change clothes.Chuck didn't like me ordering him around, especially in front of an attractive female but we had an understanding. I was the older brother and I gave the orders. He bellyached about having to do everything but when I came out of my room he had left the house."When did you gas up last?" I asked my mother. It was really her car but we all shared it and my dad's pickup truck. She didn't remember."Don't you want something to eat before you go?" mom said with her usual motherly concern. When I shook my head, she touched my arm, "let me make you a.
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