I made a note to be more careful with her in the future. Bob ignored the whole exchange, caught up in what she had said."You're kidding!" Suddenly he was pacing. "This could be the solution we need to her problem." He turned to me, "My biggest fear throughout this has been that the trauma had caused a schism and that was why she was struggling so hard with all of this. I've been afraid that it was going to be necessary to actually let a second, independent personality for Amber form. She didn't seem to be able to handle the role-playing that was necessary to be convincing. But this ... damn, I wish she'd had time to get started on her homework, but it'll be days before she even gets the DVDs." Actually," I interrupted, "I realized earlier, we don't even have to take them to her, or buy her the book, which I'm about halfway through already by the way." That was fast," he said, "I didn't even think you had the book yet." Yeah, it surprised me too. I picked it up a little after noon.. .. Tears have meanwhile dried in my thickly-applied make-up, so thickly-applied, in fact, that it's like a mask of sludge, so thick, to be precise, it's like my face is under an inch of mud; why, I wonder. Why--this heavy-handed, intentionally inexpert job? It's theatrical make-up, that's why, corpse make-up, that's what I suddenly realize, puddinged on the way they prepare the dead, or the slow dancing actress portraying an archetype of death on stage, her face emotionless, unblemished, vacant--serene, by which I mean to say, soulless, un-transcendent in every sense...does that make sense? Yes, there is no other conclusion to draw. I've made up my mind. I have been made-up like this because in everyone's mind I am, in fact, already dead. I whimper. My bowels, as the Bible has often put it, have turned to water. An older man, sipping a Cosmopolitan, perhaps (I'm no Mr. Boston!) puffing a cigar, appraises me meditatively, almost appreciatively, but nonetheless with blank unseeing eyes,.
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