”“Ed, why don’t we do that,” she said. “I’d like to stay for a bit.”He nodded and went upstairs with Kara, Jessica, and Elyse to start the bedtime routines. Jennifer went upstairs to retrieve Jesse and was back down a minute later with him in tow. She, Josie, and Jesse headed to the coach house.“I’m going to feed Patricia,” Stephanie said. “OK to use your study?”“Sure,” I replied.She got up and went into the study. I had no issues with her feeding Patricia in the great room, but Ed wasn’t comfortable with it because of my history with Stephanie, and I understood his point. That left Maria Cristina and I alone in the great room, and she moved to sit next to me on the couch. She snuggled close and I put my arm around her.“You’re really not in any trouble?” she asked.“I’m not. I’ve had lots of dealings with the government as we said before, but I always come out clean because I AM clean!”“How do you stay so calm?”“Regular beatings by the women in my life,” I chuckled. “You didn’t know me. You looklike a dream," she said."Speaking of dreams," I said, "this pretty much feels like one. I keepthinking any minute, I'm going to wake up and this is all going to beover. I'll be a boy again and none of this ever really happened. Are yousure this isn't a dream, Mom?" Do you want it to be a dream?" she asked.I took a puff from my cigarette and let the smoke settle into my lungsbefore blowing it out. "Of course not," I said. "But what if it is? Whatif I'm really asleep?" You're not asleep, Honey. And this isn't a dream. For all practicalpurposes, you're a 47 year old woman and you're marrying Ken Edwardstoday. You're going to be his wife and a step-mother to his children."She rubbed my arm with her hand and said, "You're just like me now,Honey. You're an older woman."A tear formed in the corner of my eye and I felt a lump of something inmy throat. Was it regret or happiness? "I love you, Mom. I love you somuch," I said."And I love you too, Darling. But if you really want to get.
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