Oh God, help me. Make it stop...but it didn't stop.Although it had never happened, I saw myself standing in a roomsurrounded by everyone I knew. I was dressed in my mother's clothes andsmoking a cigarette for them all to see. The looks on their faces saidit all. They were disgusted and so was I.Why did I want to be a woman....an older woman, like my mom? Why was I sowilling to give away my life as a boy and my future as a man? Why was Iin such a hurry to grow up?I saw my self sitting on the edge of my bed holding up a bra to my flatchest and I asked him why? Why do I want to do this? Why do I want tobe like Mom? He laid the bra on his lap and looked up at me, and thatwas wrong. He shouldn't have been able to see me, much less hear me ortalk to me, but there he was, looking me in the eye and shaking his head."You did this to us," he said. "This is all your fault. You ruined mylife. You ruined our life." But why? Why do I want to do it?" I asked. "How come I can't stop. “Give your daughter some credit for the intelligence we both know she has… sir.” The last word dripped ice. “You might not see Fiona as a real person, but that is her half-sister.” Emphasizing the last word, “Her sister, get it?” He didn’t want to invoke the word ‘incest’ in front of Jenny without context, but Donovan’s expression flickered enough that it seemed he understood. The silence on the other end of the phone stretched interminably, before Donovan finally responded. “Okay, you’re talking sense. We’re on the same wave-length, kid.” “And…” “And nothing. You treat my little girl right, and make sure you don’t do anything to her that would make me regret not adding you to a long list of kids who got shown the door.” Jahn had no idea what he was talking about, but let it rest. “Yes sir.” “Put her back on.” Jahn stood, passing the handset to Jenny, who had an apprehensive look on her face. He was unwilling to eavesdrop, but the shift in his girlfriend’s overcast expression to her.
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