How can you tell if your gas station attendant used to be a porn star?When the gas starts coming out, he pulls out the nozzle, and sprays it on the windshield... You think of pirates as being all smiley. Actually, they’re all Somali... I was sitting in traffic the other day. I got run over.Inside a Russian woman, there’s another Russian woman.I was in the park the other day, watching a man feed the birds. After a while, I said to myself, “I wonder how long he’s been dead”.I have a friend who keeps ingesting helium. You should try it ... people speak very highly... Dear Hallmark:Roses are red, Violets are blue.Your cards are shit And your channel is, too.And the award for film of the year goes to: Cling.Cling Film.The difference between a nurse and a patient? Well, the nurse actually has a higher chance of leaving the hospital aliveלייקAnd so, 101 Dalmatians all fell asleep. Oh, wait, they’re ordinary white puppies riddled with bulletsThese bacon sandwiches are delicious, said Pooh.. So just come back home right now, I'm making pancakes for Jessica, we'll all have a family breakfast,” Jack said. “But what if Scott finds out?” I asked. “Well as I said, there may not even be anything to find out. They could just be chatting for all we know. And if Karen and Scoot are that unhappy, Scott could be cheating. There are too many variables we don't know right now. For all we know they could have been cheating for years now. But breaking in on them now may not be the best option,” Jack replied. “OK I'll come home now. You are lucky I love you,” I said. “I love you too sweetheart, we'll be waiting,” Jack replied as the front door started opening. “Oh shit, Lee is walking out with a smile on his face,” I said. “Shit. Well I suppose I can't talk you out of talking to him now he's out of the house, can I?” Jack asked. “Sorry, sweetheart. I'll be home soon. Just remember you love me,” I replied. “OK babe, talk to you later,” Jack said. Then we both hung up. I was feeling bad.
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