I too loved you way too much to be mad at you forever. I am a proud man and have never begged for anything from anyone but god. I guess I was too proud to seek another chance to connect with my family. My weakness came down on you dearly and for that I am sorry. I was older and wiser, I should have done something to bring us together, even if as ex-family. I cried that Saturday after all of you left. I cried because I was still too proud to let you guys know how much pain I was in. I cried because I was helpless in front of this tumor. I cried because when my children gave me a chance, god took away any chance of a life from me. I cried most of all because I knew it would be the last time I would ever see your sweet faces. How I longed to hold my children and my grandchild in my arms and feel complete again but I knew once the dam broke, there was nothing to stop me. I have left some money for the four of you, for Roger, for Sue, for Roger’s wife (I am sorry but her name slips my. We've fetched plenty of wood!" Then she tookmy leash and led me off again. Icy packed earth gave way to cold concrete; icy fresh air to the cold, closeatmosphere of the shed in which the slaves lay shivering in their cages. Thento the familiar foetid stink of the tiny back room where I was pennned. Bessieled me into my pen through the further gate; I felt the post brush againstmy hip as I walked onto the thick, damp, matted straw, and heard the clickof the latch on the gate as she closed it behind me. Cautiously I moved forwarduntil I came to the closed front gate. Bessie tugged gently downwards on myleash, and I sank awkwardly to my knees in the straw. I heard the straw rustleas she picked up my tether chain from where it lay, and felt the sudden weightof it as she clipped it to my nose ring. She took off the leash and I heardthe sound of her filling my water bucket, then the splash as she poured itinto the trough before me. I bent forward gingerly until my questing tonguefound its.
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