‘Nothing? Not even an explanation as to why you chose to abuse the trust I’d shown in you?’ I said, still not knowing how far to take this.‘I hacked the firewall out of curiosity. Then I found the web site and couldn’t help myself. You’re right, I have abused your trust and I am truly sorry for that. Is there anything I can do that will make you reconsider expulsion? My father will be livid!’ Roger blurted very close to tears now.‘OK, calm down. I don’t think I’m going to report you. You’re a bright boy and you were doing no real harm. I wouldn’t want to destroy your life because you let your hormones get the better of you.’ I said soothingly. ‘However you must learn that ill thought out actions cause unpleasant consequences. If we were still allowed to use corporeal punishment I would suggest it. What do you think your father would do to you?’‘Strap me. The school might not allow corporeal punishment but he still believes ‘spare the rod, spoil the c***d’ holds true. You could strap. The “If only” in life lies scattered everywhere. If only I had done this instead of that. If only I had left the house five minutes later. If only I had bought Google instead of Citibank. If only I had kept my mouth shut. If only I had been born rich. You get it right? Pretty much everyone has his or her own “If only” list. For most of us the list is pretty fucking long. At sixteen we all dream of our first love and I was like that. I daydreamed all the time, especially about sex and love. I went to a large public high school in Ottawa, Canada. Frankly for me the start of grade nine was murder. But I dreamed of happiness “if only” I could be with Kristy Lee. There you go-- see-- another “If only.” I was what you might call “bookish”, one of the “smart kids”. I loved movies and books. I was the moody boy reading Hemingway’s “The Sun Also Rises”, Salinger’s “Catcher in the Rye” and John Fowles’ “The Magus”. In my free time I would be in the basement zoning out to Pink Floyd’s “Dark.
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