Foundation powders and creams smoothed my skin. I could make my nose appear thinner, and my lips appear gorgeously thick. I'd never used makeup before, and wondered why I should be using it now. Why was I trying to look feminine like this?! I scrubbed my face with a tissue and looked at my own face. Unbidden, pictures raced into my mind of Joe seeing me like this. He recognised me! I panicked. The next thing I knew I was looking in the mirror again. I was fully made-up, so much so that it took me a few minutes to come out of the dream I seemed to be in and recognise myself. I didn't remember putting the makeup on. I'd even blended my false breasts into my skin so that they looked almost seamless. I reasoned that my sudden fear of discovery had forced some sort of alter-ego to take over, like the doctor had suggested. I crazily wondered what it would be like to meet this alternate identity. What was he/I like. Was he an actor with a talent for disguise? Who knew? I. I couldn't dismiss you from my life likethat. Not when we share such a bond as that. Not when you have so muchof my heart. No, my love. No. I am not sending you away. You've donenothing wrong. No... stop that. Look at me girl. Breathe. That's it.Look at me. Oh, I've made such a hash of this! I'm so sorry. I handledthis wrong. No, Diana. Stop." She held me out from her to keep me fromsobbing my apologies at her and, instead, was cupping my chin to bring myeyes to hers."Diana," once I'd stopped my blubbering, "my giving you the key to thatlock means you've grown. You've grown into your own womanhood. It meansI have confidence in you that you have the strength to control yourwomanly urges. It means that you now have the choice of when to unlockyourself - and it means you have the choice of who you unlock yourselffor. Do you understand me? This is a good, my girl. This is a goodthing. Alright?" She hugged me again and I hugged her back. We stayedlike that for far.
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