. he was my love, my lover, my ruler, my master, my god.I would gladly do anything for him, because his return was to hold me upwith utterly ultimate strength and pride to every human, natural andspiritual transaction in my life as the most helpless, sweet and kindfemale, flower of a woman, a girl, yes, even the bittersweet wisdom andjoyous/painful realities of an older fragile yet still feminine thing. All these realities would be.. hidden maybe at first, but then sprung on me... making me shamed, defeated, lonely, afraid and ever so needy.So, as he was forcing my soft satin draped frame into his, I knew I was glad to let him control my feelings, my flesh, my pleasure, my pain, my fear, my violently heaving orgasms. I felt so wanted, so loved, so totally appreciated.. and of course, he knew all of that.He loved it when he laughed at my helplessness, my hopelessly bleedingemotions. He'd playfully bite my nose, and do raspberries in my eyes, andlaugh at how all I could do was thank him. But there was that small annoying voice in the back of my mind that didn’t find it funny at all. Damnit all. So I laughed, and I was surprised that it was only a halfhearted laugh. ‘You do?’ I said. ‘Damn, I always pick the screwed up manly ones!’ I exclaimed, laughing again. ‘So that’s what you’ve been hiding all this time! I knew it, you know, I knew it this whole time. I don’t want some freaky transvestite touching me! Gross! Get the hell out of my room!’ I said, pointing at the door. She looked at me blankly for a moment. Her face was stone cold. ‘Paul, I’m serious.’ ‘What?’ ‘I used to be a boy and I’m having a sex change.’ ‘Oh, goddamnit,’ I said. Funny joke. Boy, if she wasn’t kidding…ha ha, that would be pretty funny! What a sucker I would be. ‘Boy,’ I said gradually, after a silence. ‘That can really stop a conversation dead in its tracks.’ My mind was sort of half scared and half waiting for the punch line. I mean, here we were, and I was half expecting to make out with her.
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