But in the absence of opportunities to dress Ihad realised, perhaps for the first time, just how strong was mycompulsion to do so. In those long first weeks away from home, I hadlonged to be sent upstairs to encase my body in a dress, to walk again ina pair of heels, and my 18 year-old self realised dimly that any seriouspartner would need to know about this yearning that was (not very far) inthe background. And my 18 year-old self simply did not know how to havethis conversation with a potential partner.And this raised another issue in my mind. Up until now, I had - at leastso I told myself - dressed up only because my mother had forced me to. Iwas beginning to confront the reality that I had been avoiding, perhapsfor years, that I needed to, ached to dress up for its own sake. Iwanted to walk through fashion stores and look through racks of dressesand try them for myself (up until now, my mother had bought all myclothes for me), which meant that I would need to go out. .. but the relief just wouldn't come. I didn't want to fix our first meal alone in the new house so I drove down to the local Jack in the Box and bought dinner substitute there at the drive-through. Waiting to pick up my order, I nearly had the shock of my life when I was virtually 99.9% certain that I saw my old nemesis, the gang leader Darren Hall right across the street getting something at the opposite McDonalds restaurant. Well, there is no accounting for taste!I crouched down lower in the truck but I'm pretty sure that he didn't even look over once my way. He was walking back to his own car, a big black SUV and he promptly drove off. He looked like he was heading towards I-35, or perhaps towards the dumpy apartments nearby, but his SUV was gone, out of sight before my order was delivered and I could drive off to follow. The fact that the Houston gang boss was back in Austin (or near enough) was bad news. Just about the worse possible news in fact. I hadn't put the house up for.
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