You're just as dumb as Jason. Kelly turned over the palm of her right hand, and felt the calluses atthe base of her fingers with her thumb. No matter how diligently shefiled at them with an emery board, she could not eradicate these scarsfrom Jason's combat with rough barbells. She remembered the bleedinghands and feral screams with which Jason willed hundreds of pounds intothe air, fueled by hope and self-hatred. Am I any different?Kelly desperately hoped so, because the last time she had felt this lostshe had ended up with a gun in her mouth.* * *Kelly lay curled in her bed, hopelessly waiting for the 25mg dose ofProzac she had taken to clear the depressed fog from her head. However,instead of relief, she could FEEL the front of her brain pour chemicalmisery throughout her soul.She knew, KNEW, that she should not feel so bad. All that had happenedwas that she had met the guy that had used her as a sexual experiment. Itwas his problem, not hers. Then why am I hiding in my bed. Holloway,” she said. “Hi there,” I said as I gestured to the seat next to her. “Mind if I sit?”She nodded and I sank down into it. “You know,” I said as I loaded an apple slice with peanut butter, “you don’t have to call me Mr. Holloway anymore. You can call me Sam.”“I know,” she said quietly, “it’s just hard to think of any of my teachers as anything but a teacher sometimes.” I nodded. “I get that, but I’m a whole human being. I have a life outside of school.”Her mouth fell open in mock surprise. “You mean you don’t just live at the school? You’re not some robot that powers down when we’re not there?”“Oh no,” I laughed, “you know my secret.”The two of us enjoyed a chuckle. I ate a little bit and Sydney enjoyed the sun on her face with the guitar still on her lap. Bird songs chased away any silence. At some point, we heard Alexis exclaim something inside followed by uproarious laughter from McKayla. “Were you working on something when I walked out here?” I asked Sydney. “I didn’t.
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