.’ That’s a sentence that’s going nowhere, so I try again. ‘I’m just having a week where it feels like every day is harder to get through than the day before.’ ‘Something happen?’ ‘No, it’s something with me.’ And then I talk. I tell you about the frustration of being on my own over a year with the kids and suddenly realizing I have no idea where the wound disinfectant is in my own apartment. Or the depression of realizing that I was getting angry at my Marlene for not putting the band-aids back where they belong, and then realizing that she’s dead and I’m just being a dick. And then you’re behind me. I don’t know when you stood up, but you did. Do you know that it’s easier for me to talk when I can’t see you? Or do you just think that the back rub is really necessary. ‘Am I whining?’ I sigh. ‘I didn’t want to whine.’ ‘No,’ I can hear you smiling behind me. ‘I like to hear about you. I like getting to know you.’ I laugh. ‘You only say that because you don’t know me yet.’ Even before. I felt terribly humiliated. It was cruel to make me comedown to dinner at all. I found it difficult to breathe. I wasvery hungry besides. It was all I could do not to burst intotears. To make things worse the company began to talk about meEvelyn Beryl. "It is such a pity that he is coming hometo-morrow," said Mrs. Dawson. "It has been so pleasant andpeaceful here while he has been at his girls' school." Everyoneagreed. It was a revelation to me how thoroughly unpopular Iwas. I felt ashamed of my past behaviour. "I think you will all find him greatly changed for thebetter," said Helen with a smile. "His head-mistress's reportspeaks most highly of his docility and his ladylike ways." HowI blushed. Luckily no one knew that I was present except Helen. "I can quite believe it," said Guy Repton with a hatefulsnigger. "I think that you are all a little unjust to poorEvelyn. I don't think that his nature is really bad, but as aboy he was not in his proper position. He must have known.
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