I was above average, at around 6.5 inches, but compared to Matt I was small. He seemed to sense what I was thinking and he pulled the covers back over. “This is kind of moving really quickly isn't it?” Matt said too loudly, his voice shaking slightly. “I mean we can just sleep if you want.” It was then that I remembered Matt had never done anything either. Despite how confident and sexual he acted at school, he was just as inexperienced as I was. Seeing him vulnerable like this made me like him even more as a person, and not just an attractive and unobtainable being. “I’ll admit this is moving really quickly,” my voice also shook as I spoke, “but there is no way I can sleep now. Maybe we could just talk for a bit?” He nodded, so I thought of something to talk about. Finally, I asked: “How long have you known you were gay?” He blushed wildly before answering. “I didn't really start thinking about it until high school gym class. Suddenly seeing all those guys in just their underwear. I, on the other hand, am embarrassed and incredibly pleased that my dirty little exhibition turned him on. But I’m also ecstatic when I realized he isn’t upset.Both men watched me recover for a minute or two. Then they engaged in conversation about me. It’s immediately evident I won’t be returning to my old comfort zone, not even when I get home. They’re talking about me as though I’m not even in the room. I can’t help being very disturbed by what I hear as I listen to their conversation.Jeff listened intently while the doctor described the progress we made today. Jeff witnessed the finale, of course. But Dr. Carter filled him in on what he missed and discussed the motivation behind the things he made me do. That I should learn from listening was probably Dr. Carter’s intention.Jeff learned for the first time of the early fantasies involving my neighbor and how I had been so conflicted, so twisted by religion that I had closed up like a steel trap. I had been unable to handle the.
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