“Doesn’t that bother you?”“Naaaaaaaaaaaah!”How can you tell if a West Virginia girl is a virgin?If she can run faster that her brothers.Everybody from the North thinks everybody from the South is just sitting around, barefoot, wearing overalls, eating grits, watching ‘Hee Haw,’ listening to country music, drinking Jack Daniel’s, going to tractor pulls, wearing trucker caps, dipping Skoal, picking cotton, riding around in pickup trucks, having sex with our relatives, and looking for UFOs. And that’s not true -- it’s not -- I’ve never seen a UFO, and second cousins don’t count.A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, “Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?”The husband looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like -- Mr. Plumber?”A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. “Honey, the car won’t start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?”“What do I look like -- Mr. Goodwrench?”A. Remember, we’re technically his students. That said, the ultimate decision would rest with Sensei Jim.“Anyway, after I used two Aikido moves on Mitsuo, he was enraged and foolishly tried a spinning jump kick aimed at my head. I expected he would do something like that, and I rewarded him with an uppercut to the gonads while he was mid-jump. He didn’t get up for about five minutes, and as Sakurako said later, his wife, Keiko, was probably very sad for several days.”“You punched him in the balls?” Kara giggled. “Did you get in trouble?”“He and his friends complained I cheated, but Mitsuo had broken the rules by trying for the kick to the head, and as Sensei Hiro said, if you start a fight the way they did in the street, you don’t get to decide the rules.”“So what happened?”“Mitsuo, Hikaru, and Katsu began running with me. I gave Mitsuo my Penguins Championship Cap as a gift.”“But you can’t replace that one!” Jessica protested.“I’d say, in the end, that cap is exactly where it belongs -.
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