This is something different," she said, suddenly setting her fork on her plate. "First, I'll share a secret with you because it doesn't matter any more..." she took a deep breath, "For years, since before I even turned 12, I have been totally utterly addicted to masturbation." Really?" I said, wondering what the big deal was."But not like you think," she said, leaving forward to speak in a dramatic whisper. "Not just frigging myself. I mean sticking stiff in there, hitting my G spot, working it hard every night. I couldn't sleep unless I came."Just like a guy, I thought. "Did you ever hurt yourself?" I asked."Couple of times," she said, shaking her head. "Didn't matter. Had to get myself off. But the next day, any day, I was fine. It was only at night." But what's different now?" I wondered where this was leading."There was no way, no matter how hard I tried, that I could do this," she said, reaching down below the table. She bit her lip for a second, but otherwise she showed little. “I’m sorry, everyone.” La Contessa said at last. For the second time in as many days, Helen felt the hollow feeling of losing someone. She didn’t know Arturo Lopez personally. Just that he’d been one of The People she’d sworn a lifelong oath to protect and defend. And since that one had been made on behalf of Vincenzo, Maria, and the Country overall; it was one of the ones she took as seriously as the vows she’d made to Vincenzo in St. Francis de Sales Cathedral years before. She thought how Arturo Lopez probably watched her Royal Wedding on television that day. And how, whatever his opinion of his Contessa’s job of carrying on his Count’s work, she’d have to hear it from the rest of the Lopez family when she visited.Helen noticed that everyone had been remaining still and watching her while all these thoughts ran through her head. She spoke again.“I’m sorry, everyone, I...” She started walking slowly toward the panel that activated the secret passage to her bedroom. Maria already.
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