Kiley got picked to fill me in."I don't know why, but Emma went crazy this morning, and attacked Justin. Justin smacked her pretty good, and was screaming that he didn't do it, whatever that was. That was when Neil, Nick, Wayne and Ray jumped him. Actually, I think Nick and Ray were trying to keep Neil and Wayne from killing him. They hurt Justin bad enough that they had to take him away in an ambulance," Kiley said."So did they get suspended?" I asked."I think it's worse than that. They were all put in police cars and taken away," Faith said."Where's Piper?" I asked."She didn't come to school today," Kiley said.What a mess. I was glad I hadn't been there this morning or I would have been right in the middle of it. This just got worse at every turn.Then the talk turned to why Emma might have started the fight. I decided to steer the conversation away from the truth."The thing that makes the most sense, is that Justin must have said something, again," I shared.They all seemed to. " A voice in my head said to me, "If you will let hertalk about you moaning in pleasure from being screwed by a boyfriend thatyou don't even have and you still won't defend yourself from hercomments, is there anything she can't say to you?" The range of her nextpotential gay insults appeared to be unlimited. I began to imagine thesein my mind to test how I would react. I thought of her saying, "I'mworried about who will take care of you when I die, I've got to find youa rich husband." And then I thought of how absolutely humiliating it wasthat I was so gutless I wasn't going to correct her by saying, "But Mom,I will have a wife not a husband." I was the biggest wimp in the world.In my mind I started to think of nightmare scenarios, I felt like therewas a struggle taking place inside of my mind and body and that thesubmissive side was sinking me lower and lower. I felt embarrassed thatmy mother calling me a queer had given me such a pleasurable erection. Ididn't want to like that. I.
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