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It was a dim, cloudy Sunday afternoon outside; but inside the ornate, high-ceiling Gothic church, hundreds of banks of candles cast a warm, glorious light over everyone in the church.Mom and Aunt Frances and my deceased father's mother, Grandma Rose, drove me to the front entrance and let me out on the sidewalk while Aunt Frances parked her car in the lot behind the church. I stood on the sidewalk for a moment looking down at myself, all got up in the immaculate suit and shiny new shoes, my hair slicked with a hefty, odorous portion of Wildroot Hair Cream. I asked myself if it were really I in this costume. If I bent my arms, the sleeves of the suit crinkled and wrinkled stiffly, but when I straightened my arm the cloth fell back into a smooth, neat tube. I wore a tight starchy white shirt with a flowery bow tie my aunt had chosen. The bowtie and the thick collar dug uncomfortably into the front of my throat.I felt out of place, as emotionally removed from the impending ceremony as I. . I mean I've known this was going tohappen... It's just..." I stopped talking as I felt my chest start totighten and I took a deep breath, biting my bottom lip to keep it fromquivering.She gently grabbed me by the arms and pulled me to her lap and told me,"I know you're trying baby... Come here and sit with me okay."I half-heartedly fussed, "Mom... I'm too big to sit on your lap..." Ididn't try to resist too much, as if it would have mattered. Mom wasstronger than I was. I'm not going to lie, even though I felt I was toogrown to sit in my mom's lap it felt good to lean into her as she wrappedher arms around me.She gently teased, "You'll never be too big to sit in my lap..." Shegently held me and softly rocked with me. I immediately felt a lot of thetension quickly start to fade as I gently held on to her. After severalminutes she asked, or maybe was more of a statement, "So, you and Sam?"Swallowing hard I ask with a bit of fear in my voice, "Umm... What aboutus?"She softly chuckled..
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